I want to back things up a bit. Before I started evaluating the premise and setting of the story and posting the chapter and character profiles, I had been talking about my life as I took time to write this story. I would like to pick back up where I had left off. On my post “A Dark Place in Life” I mentioned how I got a job right after I had completed the first full draft of Katsukami.
During the rest of that year, things got a little better. I was making money and life was not being too harsh to me anymore. My life wasn’t taking any leaps forward, but I wasn’t necessarily losing ground either. I became content, complacent, stagnant. It’s been said that there is no such thing as “standing still” in life. You are either moving forward or you are moving backward. Allowing one self to stay comfortable without making any effort to better themselves only brings about negative habits of laziness and complacency.
Lucky for me, I realized this was happening before it got too carried away.
For more than six months, I worked and made money. I tried to work on my second book as well. On a roll after completing my first book, I immediately jumped into the first part of book 2. Within a matter of weeks, I finished a quarter of the story and had all but completed a very specific outline of the rest. I had the feeling that I was on fire.
New Years 2008
I don’t know why. I was fine. I was doing ok and my story was well on its way. So, why did a sudden depression overcome my mind and force me to rethink my place in life? For whatever reason, every new year I always automatically review everything that has happened to me – not just over the previous year either. On every January 1, I look over my life as a whole. I step out of my little bubble and ponder the places I have been, the people I have met, the actions I have taken, the roads I have walked, and (most importantly) the direction I am going. If, for whatever reason, the evaluation of myself is in anyway NOT good, I change directions. The change is not small in any way. Once I come to this conclusion, I begin taking steps that lead me to a dramatic change before the end of that year.
For example:
January 1, 2005 – I was in college and things were happening all around me that made me rethink the direction my life was going. During this time, I was spending my time at college pretty much year round. I would sometimes visit home on holidays, but typically I stayed at my dorm room, even when school was out. I just worked for the school doing whatever they needed and paid rent. New Years 2005 was the first time my New Years Evaluation occurred and I attempted to ignore it. The issues I was struggling with ate at me until I could not deal with it anymore. My mind became clouded. My attitude became irritable. The people I looked up to started appearing useless to me. Still, I fought against my mind. I wanted to complete my degree and nothing was going to stop me. Eight months later, I left. Literally, I made the decision to give in and was gone in 24 hours. Back to Michigan to start over.
It was happening again.
This time, I didn’t fight. The conclusion I came to after the evaluation of my life was one that shocked not only the people around me, but myself as well. I was joining the military. No one who knew me well believed a word I said when I told them of my decision. The girl I was seeing left shortly thereafter but, I really didn’t mind. Let me rephrase that, I cared for sure. I just could not stop the path I had decided to follow. I knew there would be drastic consequences. So I allowed them to happen without much struggle. My friends and family all said things like “Oh, that’s great!” but, deep down, none of them believed I would do it.
“You’re just not a military type of guy.”
In July 2008, I officially swore in to the Air Force and would leave for basic training in November. Just before I left, I mean literally the day before, I remembered something I had put on the back burner for the last (very) quick months. My story…
I let it slip. I would read it every now and then between January and when I left for Texas in November, but I really didn’t write much that entire year. It was too late now. The free time I would have (or lack thereof) over then next several months would hinder me from moving forward on my writing. It was something with which I just had to come to terms. However, the moment I stepped on that plane that would take me to San Antonio, I vowed that my story was not over. I would not just let it slip through the cracks. One day, I would pick up the pen again and keep writing. Even if it was years later…
Turns out that would not be too far from the truth. My life was changing drastically and I would soon find out how little time I had. Would I ever make the time to pick the pen up again and press forward with my story? Would the changes I made to my life prove successful or did I just waste my time? Those are questions we can look into another day. Thanks for reading! I will be back here soon!
Until next time!
A Story from a Dream 